As Microsoft takes the stage they start us right of with a Modern Warfare 3 introduction, lots of Kinect (hurrrrrr) and Mass Effect 3 with Kinect voice controls are shown, known games to be announced. Ghost Recon is shown with a demo about customizing weapons through Gun Smith. The Kinect system is used to change any component in the gun making it be able to be customized to a long-range rifle to a randomized rifle to close-combat to anything you’d want. Inb4 everyone just makes the same overpowered gun.
Xbox Live is shown after, the host is talking about simplifying Xbox Live and making it controlled more intuitive. Kinect is used through voice control to access the menu options in the new Xbox Live experience. Youtube is coming to Xbox Live (ALREADY!?), discovery through Bing on Xbox searches Netflix, Hulu Plus etc. (“Google Microsoft” lol), Xbox Live TV is coming to the 360 (Canal+, Foxtel etc.). Xbox Live’s New Experience launches this fall. Dana White, bulky MANLY UFC Champion announcing UFC fights on Xbox Live TV right away for the UFC fans. So basically Xbox Live is letting us pay for stuff we will never use anyways, nothing new to see here.
Xbox exclusives are being announced:
- Gears of War 3 by Epic Games. 2 years after Gears of War 2. Ice-T plays along and announces a song by Body Count, his previous band (who cares?).
- Crytek’s turn, Ryse is announced through a teaser about Rome being torn apart. Looks pretty cool.
- Halo introduced us 10 years ago to their universe and its first game is being remastered as the Combat Evolved Anniversary on Nov 15th. Oh joy, more little fuckers screaming about shit graphics and being 1337 motherfuckers on Xbox Live.
- King of racers Forza Motorsport’s fourth game is shown. Yawn.
- Peter Molyneux takes the stage with Fable: The Journey. Heroes are no longer born in this age and are made. Albion’s end is coming. A demo is shown where they are riding a carriage and kill some hobbes through magic. The magic attacks are done through Kinect’s movement sensor. Most of the game is seemingly on rails, WAT. Release date 2012
- Kinect Games (Oh joy..):
o Minecraft on Xbox with Kinect. Great to sell out there Notch, you do know patching is impossible on Xbox Live?
o Disneyland Adventures, Disneyland recreated in a game. Two kids are riding the Peter Pan’s Flight ride and Alice in Wonderland. OH THIS IS SO MUCH FUN, OH FUCK LETS FIST BUMP FOR NO REAL REASON
o Star Wars on Kinect OH FUCK YEAH
o Tim Schafer OH FUCK, YES! Sesame Street: Once upon a monster. Unleash the simulated family! Aka more fake families going OH THIS IS SUCH FUCKING FUN. But now a grownup is embarrassing himself on stage as well. I lost respect for you Tim Schafer.
o Kinect Fun Labs. Innovative Gadgets on Xbox Live made by users with the dev tools. A tool is shown to import avatars through photographing yourself. Kinect fingertracking allows you to photograph yourself and instantly make new backgrounds and draw on them to make 3d art. Scan in objects with Kinect to import objects virtually. Kinect Funlabs is out today.
o Kinect Sports: Season 2 is shown as a trailer. Ingame voice and full body gestures are used to play golf. Todd and Rodd are going to play football. They’re shit at it. But they make a touchdown anyways.
o Dance Central 2, voice control, campaign mode and the same fag on stage. SIMULTANEOUS MULTIPLAYER DANCING, oh fuck, double retardation and the guy has a female avatar.
A recap of the same Xbox Live features and games that were announced. HALO 4 ANNOUNCED OH FUCK. Holiday 2012. And that’s it.
2 comments:
Oh right, and a shitload of Tomb Raider
Oh Xbox, remember when people thought you were the best console available? Hur.
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